May Day is here again...finally! And if you're like us, you've done absolutely nothing about it save for read other people's blog posts in which they describe in great detail how to make May baskets, or Victorian flower cones, or your very own Maypole. But don't be disheartened. It's not too late to pay homage to this most overlooked of holidays. After all, it's spring, and if hope can
spring eternal, so can we. The key is to forget about traditional May Day celebrations, and, instead, embrace
Beltane.
As you may know, Beltane is the Old Irish name for the month of May, which was celebrated by pagans with a festival during which bonfires were lit, oatmeal cakes were made and singed, and villagers danced and cavorted as a prelude to possible copulation and/or other enjoyable practices associated with fertility. In fact, practically everything we associate with May Day, such as the hanging of flower baskets and May Pole rituals are nothing but the residue of the day's true meaning, namely a no-holds barred homage to the concept of spiritual and physical birth and rebirth. And so, in that spirit, we offer the following suggestions for creating your own Beltane fun.
1.) Problems with your complexion? It's no problem on Beltane. Like thousands of pagan maidens before you, simply go outside at daybreak, gather up as much morning dew as possible in a jar or earthenware pot, and wash your face in it. You'll be guaranteed a perfect complexion for the rest of the year. Just don't forget to say a prayer to Diana, goddess of nature and the hunt. It never hurts to have a friend in a high place pull a few strings on your behalf.
2.) Having trouble conceiving a child? A stone with a hole in the center might just be your ticket to preggersville. Once you find said stone, look around for a piece of wood, preferably oak, and drive through the hole, then place it underneath your bed. The next time you copulate, chances are you'll hit the jackpot.
3.) Want to ensure that the crops will come in abundance next harvest? Just get out your pots and pans and start baking a Beltane cake, made with oatmeal, animal fat (or butter, if you prefer) and blacken it on both sides in a fire. Then eat it with a tasty blend of milk and eggs. Your crops will be the envy of all.
4.) Low on milk or disgusted by the high price of it at the grocery store? Get a cow and then force it to run between two bonfires. The milk will flow like water from that point on. And if you don't like milk, well, what could be more fun than spending an evening hanging out with a cow by firelight?
We could go on, of course, but we're too busy looking for a good deal on oatmeal. Not that we're much for agriculture. But we
do have a couple of flower boxes out on the deck.
Happy May Day!
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