HALLOWEEN "WHAT WE WISH WE COULD DO, BUT VERY LIKELY WON'T EVER EVEN BEGIN TO DO" LIST

The idea is becoming more and more daunting. What idea, you feel compelled to ask? Well..in a word...Halloween. It's only three and a half weeks away, after all, and it's all but impossible not to be reminded of that fact every time we step into a store crammed full of the latest in trendy Halloween merchandise or drive down streets where every other front lawn seems to be playing host to a grinning Jack o' Lantern or (shudder) inflatable smiling ghost. And to be perfectly frank, it's making us very upset. Why? Because, this was supposed to be the year...the Halloween...when we finally accomplished one of our minor sidebar dreams...i.e. "go all out" in support of our favorite holiday. We had plans. We even started collecting things that we need to make our cherished dream a reality. But as we slide into the first week of October, we are already beginning to see the writing on the wall, which, while not written in blood, is still making us edgy. The start of a new job, the recent unexpected death of a friend, among other things, has put a definite damper on our enthusiasm for proceeding with our holiday plans. In fact, if we manage to come up with a pumpkin to set on the front doorstep this year, we'll be doing fairly well, considering all of the obstacles that are currently looming before us. But don't throw a wake for our Halloween dream just yet. We have a hat and we may just be able to pull a rabbit out of it before the magical night arrives. And so, in tribute to what we hope will be our prevailing sense of Halloween spirit, we would like to share with you the three top things on our spooky holiday "still hope to do" list...even if, in the end, we don't...do them, that is. Herewith...

DECORATE WITH VICTORIAN-INSPIRED HALLOWEEN TABLEAUS

Yes, alright, we know...it's a huge goal, and it's probably insane to even think that we could do it. But somehow, when it was still summer and there wasn't as much chaos in our world, we honestly believed we could pull it off. See, we have this little white wooden pew...and we thought that if we could find a life size plastic skeleton and maybe a couple of faux ravens, we could dress the skeleton to look like Miss Haversham in Great Expectations, and then stick the ravens on the bench as a tribute to Edgar Allen Poe, and then, if we were somehow able to come up with a...oh, never mind. It's a lost cause. I'm reaching for the smelling salts, just thinking about it. But, still, just for the hell of it...take a gander at these dark depictions...

We were striving for a plastic skeleton in a white dress on a bench. But an actual wedding cake and an entire room replete with classic Victorian decor? We're ashamed and humbled. But we still have hopes...less grand ones...that might materialize into something like this...

A Victorian-inspired tableau, is surely ain't. But it's simple and straightforward, and we already have the roof. Oh, well, on with the list...such as it is...

MAKE ABSINTHE CUPCAKES

Yes, alright...again...we know it's a lot to take on, especially considering that absinthe...real absinthe....is expensive and hard to find. In fact, we would have to order it online, and then, most likely, skip buying regular groceries that week just to pay for it. But we love the idea of it, even more than we love the taste of absinthe, which, if truth be told, we don't even like all that much. The one time that we drank absinthe, in Copenhagen, three years ago, we thought it tasted like a stick of old licorice that we once found in our grandmother's pocket book, ate, and then really, really, really wished we hadn't. But we still want to make absinthe cupcakes. Here's the recipe...

ABSINTHE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER CUPCAKES

Ingredients: 1/2 cup flour 1/2 cup sugar 3 tablespoons butter, at room temperature 1/4 cup milk 1/4 cup absinthe* 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 egg, at room temperature

green fairy frosting sugar cube for garnish

Directions: Preheat oven to 350. Line or grease and flour 6 wells in a cupcake pan. In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar. Add the egg, mix thoroughly. Add flour, baking powder and salt to the butter mixture. Add the milk and absinthe to the rest of the batter and beat until well combined. Fill each well 2/3 of the way full. Bake 12-15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted the center of a cupcake comes out clean or with just one or two dry crumbs. Cool briefly in the pan, then remove cupcakes to wire racks to cool completely before icing with green fairy frosting. Ice, then top with a sugar cube.

Can't you just picture sharing one of those delectable little cakes with the ghost of Edgar P. on All Hallowed Eve? Ah, well, the chances of that happening are about the same as the chance of us actually making them. But we still just might order that bottle of absinthe anyway. Why not? It's not as though we'll be involved in doing anything that requires our concentration...such as baking absinthe cupcakes...

Anyway...here we are...at the end of our Halloween "want to do but almost without question won't" list...and the final prize goes to...

WRITE AN INTERESTING, SOMEWHAT UNIQUE HALLOWEEN POST

Yes, well, as we have already said...Wait. Hang on just a moment here. We DID that one. In fact, we're doing it at this very moment...even though it's not even six o'clock in the morning, and we have no absinthe, and there are serious indications that we will never share our dream of a Miss Haversham skeleton with the general public on this or any other Halloween. But, damn it all, we are writing this post..and even if it is a post about not doing things we wish we could do, it's still better than just thinking about writing a post on not doing things we wish we could do. As a matter of fact, we feel rejuvenated just at the thought of baring the truth of our Halloween inadequecies to the world. So rejuvenated that we're going to...no. Never mind. We won't. Whatever it was...which doesn't matter anyway...and so don't even wonder. We're not going to do it. But we are going to finish this post in a very few seconds..and to celebrate...we offer you this. Enjoy. (Or not...it's quite up to you.)

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN (NON-VICTORIAN, BUT POSSIBLY LATENTLY STEAMPUNK) READS "THE RAVEN"

Love to all....xoxoxoxxoxoxooxo